Thursday, 20 September 2012

Losing a parent?

I could write several pages regarding my emotions and thoughts (both well processed and not thought through), but I'm just writing about people's reactions to the news. I've just read an article "How not to react when I tell you my parents are dead"

  And if I recall properly I can relate to some of them. (Not the AWWW one though, didn't get that). Well I do know that lots of people don't know how to react and are trying their best. Even I don't know how to react though I may have been in similar shoes. However, just want to share the initial feelings and thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay? yada yada"

Well I shouldn't have but I kept rattling in my brain you can't understand, you don't.... I shouldn't have even thought all these bad thoughts, diminishing peoples heartfelt concern. OH BUT HOW I BURNED WHEN THEY STARTED LAUGHING AT THE WAKE. I could have zapped them with laser from my eyes or my magic finger! I felt that everyone, every single one, should be solemn or at least have the whole time in hushed voices speaking about nothing else but how he was, how it happened, or how the family is. I criticised their dressing their attitude and took them to be careless happy-go-lucky unfeeling souls. But I shouldn't have. Maybe they needed to lighten the mood, that they were too feeling overwhelmed and lost. 

I called my friends who I knew had lost a parent, apparently all three were fathers, and I apologised. I just have a overwhelming urge to say that I didn't truly understand how it felt (although I tried really hard), didn't know what to say and wanted to share it now. (but that previous article above says it people's losses can't be compared, I think I disagree... the magnitude of what someone is feeling cannot be compared but maybe it can be said that you are able to relate to the loss, not wholly persay but at least a little and that maybe also provide consolation, that one is not alone) 

Perhaps its ridiculous but I still don't know what to say. But I know its the sincerity. Silence can be good as well. Telling people in anyway way that you can and will be there for them (if you really think so and not saying that cause its a good thing to say hor).

"Let me know if there's anything I can do"

 I was feeling so much hate and anger at anything till I was second guessing everyone' good intentions, staring at them while they consoled me, my brain goes like this: "they don't understand they don't understand, is there anything I can really ask them?" "really can you help me? can you stay here with me? seriously will you? what can you even do? Can you even take care of my dog? NO! NO! NO!" Then I start dissecting their words and like thinking that I have to think what they can or cannot do before asking them. Which leads to me thinking they can't do anything at all. Oh wow what a thought process. I took their words seriously maybe I shouldn't have, maybe everything was said in passing, but I wanted to. I wanted to clutch at any straw like a drowning person.

Well then if I was to think about it properly, I guess that most people are sincere or at least I would like to believe so. And if I had turned to them....

Seriously the dog was a big issue. Always a burden. Especially if your relatives are slightly selfish and you don't have a maid. I guess you cannot bring the dog to a 3-5 day wake.  Whenever anything happens, first thing to consider is what to do with the dog, where to put it, how to feed it on time. UGH!!!! just take it off our hands please! Perhaps not only for bad situations, currently thinking about going overseas for studies and being responsible for the dog I can't just push it to anyone not even my mom. AHH

2 comments:

  1. i must say there are times i feel like that, and im sure everyone has, although perhaps in a slightly different context...? but i think that, while words from those you do not associate yourself closely with might just be a cursory reaction, others most probably mean it sincerely. its no point in over-analyzing what others say, you'd just make yourself more miserable, and paranoid/suspicious of every other thing being said to you. choose to see the good in others, and life will be more beautiful. one more thing, don't dwell too much on the past. live in the now.... take it from someone who's been feeling like that for a much longer time.

    p.s. dont hide your problems, share them. you never know when someone can help you. even if they cant, at least you've got it out of your system.

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  2. Ya... looking back on it I realised I could have viewed it all from a positive perspective. But it seems to be an uphill task to view life positively. Must come with practice, with lots of practice the worst of situations can be seen in a good light. <3

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