Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Then I had a great laugh reading this, which is a scientist's take on the song!! :)
And I got there from this scientist's letter regarding a poem! http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/09/the-vision-of-sin.html
And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all. It was a saying about noble figures in old Irish poems—he would give his hawk to any man that asked for it, yet he loved his hawk better than men nowadays love their bride of tomorrow. He would mourn a dog with more grief than men nowadays mourn their fathers.
And that's how we measure out our real respect for people—by the degree of feeling they can register, the voltage of life they can carry and tolerate—and enjoy. End of sermon. As Buddha says: live like a mighty river. And as the old Greeks said: live as though all your ancestors were living again through you.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Thursday, 20 September 2012
And if I recall properly I can relate to some of them. (Not the AWWW one though, didn't get that). Well I do know that lots of people don't know how to react and are trying their best. Even I don't know how to react though I may have been in similar shoes. However, just want to share the initial feelings and thoughts.
"I'm so sorry, are you okay? yada yada"
"Let me know if there's anything I can do"I was feeling so much hate and anger at anything till I was second guessing everyone' good intentions, staring at them while they consoled me, my brain goes like this: "they don't understand they don't understand, is there anything I can really ask them?" "really can you help me? can you stay here with me? seriously will you? what can you even do? Can you even take care of my dog? NO! NO! NO!" Then I start dissecting their words and like thinking that I have to think what they can or cannot do before asking them. Which leads to me thinking they can't do anything at all. Oh wow what a thought process. I took their words seriously maybe I shouldn't have, maybe everything was said in passing, but I wanted to. I wanted to clutch at any straw like a drowning person.
Well then if I was to think about it properly, I guess that most people are sincere or at least I would like to believe so. And if I had turned to them....
Seriously the dog was a big issue. Always a burden. Especially if your relatives are slightly selfish and you don't have a maid. I guess you cannot bring the dog to a 3-5 day wake. Whenever anything happens, first thing to consider is what to do with the dog, where to put it, how to feed it on time. UGH!!!! just take it off our hands please! Perhaps not only for bad situations, currently thinking about going overseas for studies and being responsible for the dog I can't just push it to anyone not even my mom. AHH
Monday, 10 September 2012
I've been frequenting this website. http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/03/things-to-worry-about.html
Intriguing letters from the past. And that current one is amusing. Some touching, some fiery, some with wisdom, and some with wisdom I don't quite agree to. An interesting read for a day of musing.
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Or the safe gov job zone. Which none have replied. WELL NONE replied other the one I'm doing now. Sheesh.
Or go teach. My friends have started leaving their schools their (contract teaching) to join NIE for PGDE the 1 yr course 3 yr bond. All of them missing their students having farewells. Knowing where they're headed.
When I'm on campus now, I feel like I'm looking at students from the outside. Wondering if they know where they're heading.
I've just I realised, I can pray. :)
Monday, 23 July 2012
It is probably not too difficult to make ends meet with my qualifications and prospective job, but the pressure to provide is hateful. The unyielding want for luxury that we cannot afford. No compromise, no agreement? I know we're both not spendthrift, but the constant talk about it scares me to my wits end and such a sensitive topic to broach it is. Treading oh so carefully, I don't want to control the accounts, to limit the spending to set a budget. Don't want to come off as overthrowing authority and taking the reins, to hurt her feelings. I realized what I want is to feel security and that you have a rock solid will and will not be conned by a passing salesman. I want you to have financial security.
Wow this post sounds like I'm having a midlife crisis in adulthood, but before I get into the workforce I have to say, I will not be sucked into the rat race. (CROSSES FINGERS!)
Ah that was just a rant, I'm sure everything's fine, and I can meditate on this and calm myself and isolate those nasty thoughts and worries. Its gonna be tiring 7 days a week :( but look at the happy days as well :)
Went to Gardens by the bay with Ma and 6 Auntie and gugu, :) The place isn't nice but SSO made up for that. And of course the AWESOME free, view of fireworks up close!!
Friday, 6 July 2012
Monday, 2 July 2012
Over white horses and swells there's lots to see.
There to the horizon! Whales and dolphins,
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
On Saturday, a family of the neighbouring camp suggested to us a quaint waterfall nestled in a valley 15min drive away so we decided to go check it out. Taking about 2 hours of climbing up a valley of boulders and rocks before we reached the place I felt quite wary of my shoes which have been ducted taped to prevent falling apart!. There was no path so we just stumbled through the bush avoiding cacti and other various thorny bushes, Tess and Simon forged ahead, kinda ignoring us. I find the people here too independent, it would be the sort of situation in which if you were with your Sg friends you would turn around ask how are u spur each other on. But no, the scary thing was the lack of camaraderie. Picking our way across rocks and boulders each getting bigger looking as though we're traversing across the remnants of a rockslide. Avoiding nests and swarms of large wasps even I was a bit more than necessarily wary off, eyeing carcasses of rotting porcupines or something alike. When we found the rock pool, we had to find the waterfall of course, and now we travelled higher up, climbing over metre high rocks, then it crossed my mind," How are we going to get down?" ahhh.... I wished all the while I had bought trekking shoes. We set up pit stop at the waterfall. It was worth the climb. But oh they wanted to move on and I don't wanna be left behind! Moving on climbing between granite and boulders and finally I got stuck. Stuck on top a perch of boulders that I can't find a safe way off without jumping and crashing my ankles against rock. With knees trembling and in a half crouch I examined each edge and finally had no choice but choose the least steep one and sort of slid and jumped off. Then me and Sara who were separated from the group made our way back to the pitstop but completely bypassed it behind some more rocks and got lost for a bit before back tracking.
Waiting there, my imagination ran wild and I hollered for her but only heard my echo. Imagining the horrible slide down I thought I would be stranded and dehydrated without water or rescue and started thinking what to say in a farewell video. I'm mad. Altitude sickness HAHAHA. The way down was just as treacherous but I was overwhelmed to have overcome my fear and also be back at camp ready to end this camping experience.
Monday, 18 June 2012
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Well the office work I'm helping out with is regarding bottle-nosed dolphins. see how I have to identify photos to see if they are of the same individual or not. So after 3 days I'm almost done, went through 197 dolphins, 60 odd more to go :) I think they gave me something irrelevant to while away my time but oh well.
Its amazing, today we spotted a Southern Right whale! We went about 10m away from it nearest. My first whale sighting. Its really something different to be out at sea spotting animals, hence the wildlife tourism. But that's not good because those tourist vessels harass the animals unnecessarily and cause stress and induce trauma like propeller injuries. So.... not everyone is so lucky like me! I'm still trying to fit in. It is difficult, I don't know many of the habits, speech patterns, cooking styles, even CHOPPING. I get it all wrong. Washing one cup, big no no, have to wait for a full load. And I thought I was being good by washing when there are dishes there. And oh gosh they don't rinse the soap off! Just set it aside with all the bubbles, to either be wiped or sit there. Cooking a lot of western food like baking bread and gnooki. Well I help out with the preparation of ingredients. This I hope to bring back as something learned, though I doubt I'll know the recipe I hope to get the cooking habits and intuition. I'm really stressed when I can't fit in, don't know what to do with myself hovering about the kitchen table trying to be useful and not get in the way. UGH! I want to belong and feel relaxed! But the food they cook is great, Tess is a great cook.
Saturday, 2 June 2012
I nearly missed my last plane. The airport was so small you had to walk out to the landing strips and the waiting area was just one for all. The sign said south african airlines bound for Johannesburg so I didn't approach, yet it was time already!! so when I did go and find out it was my flight I had to literally run to the plane! and also Some one took my seat and didn't give it up!! Terrible. They are a little inconsiderate. And I've noticed they shuffle their feet while running. It is amusing. I was watching them at the airport.
When I got to Luderitz airport it was only a little bit bigger than a 5 room flat!! (The old ones) I had a mouthful of sand as a greeting from Luderitz. pui pui!! Quite funny though. Tess, the researcher I'm working under was late. Then I realised that Tess and Simon are a couple. They are the researchers I'm working under. Its alot of hard work here. There's another intern, a masters student and pHD student. Everyone's really into their work and have been here since May. I wish I was here in May, then it wouldn't be so difficult to fit in now.
Monday, 28 May 2012
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Expect only to hope
Hope with full uncertainty
Away, away, you shall fly away,~Revised~
O'er the peaks and vales
To the lands beyond.
Away, away, you shall fly away,
And never return to me.
Gone! Gone you shall be from me,
And I will never see you again.
Gone! Gone you shall be from me,
Thought I wait for you evermore.
(Christopher Paolini, 2005, Eldest)
Expect; to desire full of certainty
Expect naught but disappointment
Expect only to hope
Hope; to desire full of uncertainty
Uncertainty breeds desperation
The despair of the arrival of disappointment
Hope and not despair
IF: Expectation and disappointment are proportionate. Uncertainty and despair are proportionate. Hope and certainty are inversely proportionate.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Before Uni : "AHHHH I don't wanna go to school so scary can't make it!"
Before/just began staying in hall: "AHHHH I don't want to stay in hall any more! no friends! So lonely so difficult! Don't know who to eat with during dinner, feel outcasted!"
Subsequent years wanting to stay in hall: "AHHHH I don't want to leave hall! I miss my friends! Staying in hall is too good! I have to find a way to stay for year 3! So sad leaving hall!"
Before being KE Choir head: "AHHHH! I don't think I can handle being choir head! I can't teach can't find conductor won't do well!"
Now leaving choir: ":(:(:( Don't want to leave choir"
Now leaving Uni: "Wish I can continue"
I can't put a word to describe me or this 'syndrome' being portrayed. Anyone? :D I probably do this all the while. Eg, before performing, choosing songs (Especially this, for amplitude I asked sooo many people about o mio babbino caro. and now nessun dorma). Before applying to something. I verbally vomit all the fears and doubts and probably send people I'm talking to insane. :(
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Been observing moms handling their children these days. Should multiple kids be treated equally? I've been seeing elder kids get ignored and scolded while the moms are so flustered and frustrated with the crying younger toddler. They're being good and obedient yet get scolded? It looks hard yet I would want to be a very-in-control-of-myself mom who won't scold the wrong kid for nothing. Or ignore one over the other. Is it easier to see the goodness in children than older people?
There's an adorable little boy playing with his mom seeing who can name more countries, fruits, stuff. 5 or 6? So bright!
Friday, 24 February 2012
Mutant and proud.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Self-confidence. So subtle, so out of my reach. Its not being over confident, not showy and boasting. Realised how often insecurity is starting to show. When I get too excited over an achievement, repeating it to myself and others. When I evade talking about what I can do because I don't know its worth. Jokes aside I guess people can see through me! Perhaps its not about if I talk to much about something or downplay it alot, but rather the way I talk about it. ARGH the transparency is sickening. Feel as if people can look into me and point and say "why is your kidney purple!"
Okay, what's that question again? Do you think you're awesome? :) Let's go think about it. Believe in yourself.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
I feel that there should be a common consensus and goal to which we work towards. Do we preserve for human benefits or for the right of the primary forest to retain its integrity? Sadly it seems that it is indeed the lack of knowledge and understanding of the public that leads us to feel that if such measures are taken, we'll face the warth of the "complain city". This is where education comes in. We don't need to teach them in the reserve the importance of staying out. In fact we can't do that.
In other countries, Nature reserves hold an idea of wilderness protected from human interference, out of bounds to humans, a daily quota set and often a entry fee that is meant to discourage users. Reserves are not parks and should not hold the same branding. I believe that even the zoo is visited by locals less that BTNR. The forest needs recuperation in order to fully regain its primary forest glory. What we see is a pale shadow of scattered trees and canopy gaps. Young seedlings trampled, fauna driving to near extinction.
Sunday, 15 January 2012
AHHHH dreading school too though it has already started and its no use dragging my feet about this! Taking SSS1207 Natural Heritage, LSM3255 Ecology of Terrestrial Environment, LSM3262 Environmental Animal Physiology, LSM3272 Global Change Biology, LSM4253 Behavioral Biology, SSA2215 Biophysical Environment of Singapore. WHICH SHOULD I DROP! AHHHHH....
Saturday, 7 January 2012
I worry for future generations /own children being exposed to all sorts of ideals from media. I guess we all want to mold our kids into our ideals. I hope I won't overdo it though. :) Hahaha I wonder how I've developed this taste for music. I should stop thinking about children and think about work first.