Thursday, 27 January 2011


Has 3 kinds of shoes. Black leather shoes, slippers, hush puppies boots.
Wears high black socks with black shoes.
White underwear.
Chanel men's cologne which he routinely applies before going to work.

When I was about 5 to 10 I would jump into his arms when he came home from work around 7. He would still smell of his cologne. I often hid and surprised him when he enters the door. Or play the digital piano for sound effects of door opening and footsteps.

He has one old hairbrush which my mom had been using but I don't know where she kept it now.
wooden handle metal bristles. Probably as old as I can remember.
It still smells like him.
We haven't washed his PJs. Haven't kept them. They're still hanging outside.
The smell's diffusing. So is the smell of his pillows.

My favourite shirt of his is goldlion light pink long sleeved formal one. For new year's. He likes it too. And his dark green and blue one. But we burnt most of his clothes already. except the pink one I'm keeping that. Ma bought many new clothes for his birthday. Shoes, shirts, pants. We have to give them away. Humbear is really skinny. I cannot wear his pants. I try though. He has knobby knees, maybe thats why he doesn't wear shorts, three quarter pants and anything above the ankle. Jeans, pants, and Pjs. All long pants.

I haven't held his hands while walking since he came back from China. Grew up. I used to before he went to China. China for 5 years. I used to hold his hand while we walk out. Maybe to go out, or eat roti prata at our favourite shop outside Rosyth. Humbear walks really fast. Whenever we walk out of the house I'ld hold his hand. Or play with his hand in the taxi during New year's visiting. That game that one person pokes the other's open palm and the other tries to catch the finger. He has large meaty hands. but with fungal infection on his nails that eat away at his nails. But it doesn't bother him anyways. I held his hand again during his last moments. But he probably doesn't know.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 5:18 PM

Friday, 14 January 2011

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm going to concentrate and focus on my school work. Although as always I'll be tempted to go for/visit the choir, volunteer for some beach clean up, run around and join cheerleading or some other CCA, I will NOT do any of those.

There is no use thinking of a minor in environmental biology if I have a poor and quote my prof "worthless" degree. My major should come first before my minor.

There is no point thinking about and planning for student exchange when I've no longer met the criteria. I'm a envious of all my friends going away for exchange. And eventually even the guys from JC. Which would make me envious all over again.

6 modules. I'm fearing school. Its going to be a huge battle.

I passed chemistry :)

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 12:11 AM

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I wish Humbear didn't force himself to get up and do work that night. If only he didn't go bathe and instead went to bed earlier. Maybe he was feeling a headache already and yet got up after his nap. Maybe he was so tired yet felt he had work to do. Maybe I could still talk to him now.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 9:40 PM

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Sunday, January 09, 2011

nobody reads this. shoot. hopefully, cause the last post was done rashly and also forgotten for too long.

well well something to tell anyone who sees this. No matter how well you know someone, living with anyone is a totally new experience especially for a month. Cause each person's living habits are different.

It was a hard, bitter and spiteful lesson to learn. This trip was bittersweet. You'll often realise a different side of people and perhaps hopefully know them better or unfortunately realise their true colours. But overall one thing I hold fast to is that month long holidays in a particular overseas country are good. You can truly immerse in the different lifestyle and culture only if you spend an extended amount of time. heeee.

passed chemistry.

contemplating migration because my mom loves loves loves loves loves US and the American dream of starting a new life. I think she won't mind leaving behind most of the woes here. Maybe not complete migration? Perhaps obtaining a PR? A work permit initially? Then come back here. Too bad bosty has a staunch negative view on this.

I want to ask a certain someone certain questions. What I'll do with the answers I don't know.

If there's nothing I should stop thinking dreaming anticipating. If there's something I should think harder :)

Can we say that siblings are not needed? That one should not be too attached? That we should be independent? I see the pain it brings but no joys. Why so? Any reasons for sticking together helping each other, being nice?

I can no longer write as I used to. But I shall try.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 12:19 AM