Saturday, 28 July 2012

I don't know where am I going

I talked a little to Dr.seow... About my future. (perhaps the lack of it?) What am I doing? Am I cut out for academics? shitty results IQ/ Studying abilities wise I'm probably not cut out for it. Why do something you're not good at. I can't put my finger on it, whether or not I am eager to pursue it fully, or remain where I am, doing other people's experiments. Or do I want to write, publish, write my own stuff.

Or the safe gov job zone. Which none have replied. WELL NONE replied other the one I'm doing now. Sheesh.

Or go teach. My friends have started leaving their schools their (contract teaching) to join NIE for PGDE the 1 yr course 3 yr bond. All of them missing their students having farewells. Knowing where they're headed.

When I'm on campus now, I feel like I'm looking at students from the outside. Wondering if they know where they're heading.

I've just I realised, I can pray. :)

Monday, 23 July 2012

So tired

There's all this pressure to make ends meet and more. To attain the 4, 5, 6 etc... C's (hey i'll give you some better C's to strive for! Compassion, Contentment, Courtesy, Charity, Clarity of thought!!) and the never ending comparisons and temptations to out shine, out-earn, out-country club.  SCOFF SCOFF Yeah I'm scoffing at you. Armani BABIES!!! Imagine that, the state of society and materialism is represented by the "Baby Gap" Ooh I've got a nice one! Mini Armani! Take that! Your offspring, mere brand representatives, slapped with the hot iron on their sweet cheeks once they're hot out the oven. Pardon me.

It is probably not too difficult to make ends meet with my qualifications and prospective job, but the pressure to provide is hateful. The unyielding want for luxury that we cannot afford. No compromise, no agreement? I know we're both not spendthrift, but the constant talk about it scares me to my wits end and such a sensitive topic to broach it is. Treading oh so carefully, I don't want to control the accounts, to limit the spending to set a budget. Don't want to come off as overthrowing authority and taking the reins, to hurt her feelings. I realized what I want is to feel security and that you have a rock solid will and will not be conned by a passing salesman. I want you to have financial security.

Wow this post sounds like I'm having a midlife crisis in adulthood, but before I get into the workforce I have to say, I will not be sucked into the rat race. (CROSSES FINGERS!)

Ah that was just a rant, I'm sure everything's fine, and I can meditate on this and calm myself and isolate those nasty thoughts and worries. Its gonna be tiring 7 days a week :( but look at the happy days as well :)

Went to Gardens by the bay with Ma and 6 Auntie and gugu, :) The place isn't nice but SSO made up for that. And of course the AWESOME free, view of fireworks  up close!!

Friday, 6 July 2012

I don't think i'm the only one

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Monday, 2 July 2012

A sun-drenched land

My wanders have brought me to a sun-drenched land,
To abandoned towns half-buried in sand.
Where as far as the eye can see,
There's not a soul but you and me.
Bones, bones scattered about,
but its for diamonds we're on a lookout.
Howling winds and quaking doors,
Going out to sea, coming home with sores.
Zooming over the open sea,
Over white horses and swells there's lots to see.
There to the horizon! Whales and dolphins,
seals and gannets, cormorants and penguins.
The time will come, for me to leave,
to fly away across the seas.
But the soul's not at rest, the heart not still.
To come back to this land, I must, I will.