Thursday, 1 October 2015

Is it safe now? Goodnight.

Quarter past ten. Alighted the bus with everyone drudging home. 

Four blocks to go. 

Not too late considering how others work late too. Feeling irritated, someone is walking too close. Talking about work, remember to send that email out tomorrow. Can't afford to forget that you know. *skin prickles* 

The carpark is so big yet someone has to walk so close to my heels? Cross the road for more space. Hurry the car is almost too near. Oh fine just make a dash for it. Hmm the person crossed as well that's weird. I crossed quite dangerously. Still on my heels, what is this. Slow down and let them pass. What's the hurry anyway, it's not that late. 

Three blocks to go.  

 Keeping pace together? What is the matter now. I'm already walking slower to let you pass since you're in such a hurry. Lots of space, it's an open air carpark and road seriously, and you're being irritating. Fine. Forget it I'll walk faster then.  

 Why are you keeping pace? Hand tightens on bag. Phone safely in bag. Looking out for dark spots. Hairs on back tingles. Left diagonally behind me. Male, short, small sling pouch. Phone in hand looks lost? Pretending to be lost? How hard can i throw a punch? Punch with a fist or punch with my phone in hand? Would that be harder? Two blocks to go. 

 Better to walk towards the block with the coffeeshop with people drinking beer even though its out of the way. Safer. Safer from what? What does a trailing person want? 

 Ah. He has overtaken. Walking in front of me in the bright lights of level 1 corridor despite the closed shops. Well since he is ahead of me. Let me slow down... In fact. He's far enough away... I'll just go back round the corner and go back to my route. Albeit it being darker at that one spot. But... I'll just tiptoe just in case. 

 Whew. Im back to the carpark let's get home. What's that? *whirls around and check*  

Two car lengths away, why the hell did he come back around the corner for? 

Shit. 

 Look for other people in the surrounding. Freak. Man with plastic bags avoiding the situation walking home fast and going wide. Shit. 

 *walk two steps. Turn back and glare harder* not-joking face. I-know-what-you're-up-to face. Heart thumping. 

 "Im sorry. Im just looking for a shop... A shop to buy a drink." 

 Don't answer him. *walk on. Turn back and glare.* what is he still there for? What a rubbish rubbish excuse. Come on just one block to go.  

 "So sorry!"  

 What?? How would a stranger with no intentions know why im glaring. If you're innocent you would think I'm the crazy one. Is he going to follow me? No? Good. Walk on. Where's the man with plastic bags that was going home? Maybe he can help. Shit he walked so much faster you would have thought he was being followed. Thanks for the support really. Thanks for nothing don't let me see u around as well. Reached bright lights. *turn back to check* 

Don't run its ok.

 Is it safe now? Goodnight. 

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Migraine dairy

Ever heard of barometric migraines? Neither did I till I finally suspected the oncoming rainstorm as a cause for my extreme headaches, until I put two and two together and saw a link between the the migraine going away as the rainstorm ended. 

http://news.health.com/2009/03/09/warm-weather-throbbing-headaches/

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Dreams

Once, I dreamt you came to my graduation and we had a chinese dinner after. A simple dream. But you know the belief that your loved ones visit you in dreams. In dreams I have now a memory of an experience I couldn't have had.

Friday, 16 January 2015

Objectification

Is it nice, to have a comment or even an opinion, on every person in your vicinity? It is not wrong of course, but how does this behaviour cost you? I couldn't have imagined knowing a person who behaves like what is portrayed on media and only high-school, chick flick media.

Perhaps the behavior starts of as passing good comments, 'praises'. Then in the midst of judging people naturally you criticize as well. And soon everyone you meet passes under judgement. ARE YOU RUNNING A BEAUTY PAGEANT? Are you scouting for a model? Who are you to judge people, especially on the surface? If you going to have an opinion, have it on people's actions, behaviour, form and constantly shape your morals and your expectations of good and bad actions. How can forming and constantly engaging with your idea of beauty benefit a your life in the long run?

It is normal for one to occasionally have opinions on other's looks when something strikes you or when someone's appearance is out of the ordinary or exceptional. But I know that is not the case with this behaviour. This behaviour is one that proactively scans a crowd, a photo, a friend. Its does not result in a light-hearted/genuine comment or appraisal anymore.

I'm afraid, for how this behaviour changes my friends and how they will grow with it. Is it to the extent of a vice, that corrodes their mind and their mentality? We shape society. And yet is this the direction it continues to go?

Should one do nothing when interacting with friends like these, in fear of destroying, ruining, tarnishing a friendship? Or should one have faith in the relationship and attempt to discuss the behaviour? Is this akin to sharing of religion(belief)? To laugh, ignore, agree to behaviour like this not only condones it, but I believe it affects the peers as well. To agree out of peer pressure, to laugh and play along with it, shapes your mentality as well. Strangely, I care for my friends yet fear the outcome of sharing my thoughts.

So of course balance is key. Share my thoughts and whatever happens, let it be, let it beeeee, let it be, let it beeee.

How can you see when your eyes are blinded with an opinion? How can you feel when all you are thinking about is what you thought you saw?


The LDR

12/13: First year at work. Also the year I spent most on the LDR. The LDR is unlike the BFG. It's a growing green creature that saps and devours you, constantly asking for more and more and is never satisfied.

13/14: Masters of Science. Fantastic year filled with new experiences, 13 new countries and more photos than I could ever edit.

14/15: Starting work again and the LDR is back. The LDR doesn't creep into your life in the middle of the night and take root. The LDR is a showy attention seeking creature, announces its arrival and grabs hold of you and your heart with a vice-like grip. The LDR has sharp claws on its fingers which it used to prod you at night, or even anytime during the day just to remind you its there. The moment of its arrival, the LDR grabs hold of your heart and drags it down into the depths of your stomach and engulfs it, compressing it tightly and only lets go when your heart doesn't resist its clutches. Probably like a dominating ritual.

We've decided to take control of the LDR this year. Not going to give it too much freedom getting its way all the time. Not gonna let it stay up till 4 and 5am before going to bed anymore. I'm going to put my foot down! But it is hard. It doesn't argue but it punishes you for it.

The right to dress how we want

We do have the rights to dress however we want. After acknowledging this, do we still dress like a 'slut'? Referencing 'Slutwalk'.

I have the right as a pedestrian to cross traffic crossings without being killed, does that mean I cross blindly? or stand in the middle of the road?

I also have the right to live in a safe environment but does that mean I take my safety for granted?

Dressing revealingly is akin to living on the edge, probably gives you the adrenaline kick from doing so as well. And I'm not saying it is the causation for any negative outcomes to come, I'm saying, at your own risk.

Similarly, I should be able to walk without my property taken away from me (because stealing is wrong and illegal), but then again should I walk about with an open handbag with my valuables up for grabs? I'm not taking the blame away from the criminal, I'm saying don't give them the chance.

Protect what you cherish.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Disorientated

Moving your life to another country is often disorientating. Moving back to live with your parents is even more as with the drop in the control in your life. Especially having lost my room and personal space, clothes and belongings to deep storage and in the end living out of my luggage as if I was still ready to go. Finding back your physical and living space is a process not to be rushed

Singapore is a fast-paced society and to be able to co-exist with this country and another, I've realised to take each return home as if I'm meeting a new country for the first time. No more complacency with prior knowledge and the confidence that I know the social norms. Treating my homeland as a new country is the strangest thing. Being curious, eager to learn and explore would be a benefit, else I would be holed up at home( in the common living space) doing internet stuff. Things to do now would include:


  1. Taking initiative to explore new areas (or old ones, you never know what has changed)
  2. Making more proactive plans and activities
  3. Being touristy includes being aware of public transport changes, the new trendy hangouts and must eats.
  4. Don't beat yourself up over not knowing things