Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Frangipani flowers braid

frangipani flowers braid :)
I'm so happy that I have flowers braided into hair. :) wish my mom would stop telling me not to do that cause of pontianak.... hmmm but that month is over right...

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Losing a parent?

I could write several pages regarding my emotions and thoughts (both well processed and not thought through), but I'm just writing about people's reactions to the news. I've just read an article "How not to react when I tell you my parents are dead"

  And if I recall properly I can relate to some of them. (Not the AWWW one though, didn't get that). Well I do know that lots of people don't know how to react and are trying their best. Even I don't know how to react though I may have been in similar shoes. However, just want to share the initial feelings and thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay? yada yada"

Well I shouldn't have but I kept rattling in my brain you can't understand, you don't.... I shouldn't have even thought all these bad thoughts, diminishing peoples heartfelt concern. OH BUT HOW I BURNED WHEN THEY STARTED LAUGHING AT THE WAKE. I could have zapped them with laser from my eyes or my magic finger! I felt that everyone, every single one, should be solemn or at least have the whole time in hushed voices speaking about nothing else but how he was, how it happened, or how the family is. I criticised their dressing their attitude and took them to be careless happy-go-lucky unfeeling souls. But I shouldn't have. Maybe they needed to lighten the mood, that they were too feeling overwhelmed and lost. 

I called my friends who I knew had lost a parent, apparently all three were fathers, and I apologised. I just have a overwhelming urge to say that I didn't truly understand how it felt (although I tried really hard), didn't know what to say and wanted to share it now. (but that previous article above says it people's losses can't be compared, I think I disagree... the magnitude of what someone is feeling cannot be compared but maybe it can be said that you are able to relate to the loss, not wholly persay but at least a little and that maybe also provide consolation, that one is not alone) 

Perhaps its ridiculous but I still don't know what to say. But I know its the sincerity. Silence can be good as well. Telling people in anyway way that you can and will be there for them (if you really think so and not saying that cause its a good thing to say hor).

"Let me know if there's anything I can do"

 I was feeling so much hate and anger at anything till I was second guessing everyone' good intentions, staring at them while they consoled me, my brain goes like this: "they don't understand they don't understand, is there anything I can really ask them?" "really can you help me? can you stay here with me? seriously will you? what can you even do? Can you even take care of my dog? NO! NO! NO!" Then I start dissecting their words and like thinking that I have to think what they can or cannot do before asking them. Which leads to me thinking they can't do anything at all. Oh wow what a thought process. I took their words seriously maybe I shouldn't have, maybe everything was said in passing, but I wanted to. I wanted to clutch at any straw like a drowning person.

Well then if I was to think about it properly, I guess that most people are sincere or at least I would like to believe so. And if I had turned to them....

Seriously the dog was a big issue. Always a burden. Especially if your relatives are slightly selfish and you don't have a maid. I guess you cannot bring the dog to a 3-5 day wake.  Whenever anything happens, first thing to consider is what to do with the dog, where to put it, how to feed it on time. UGH!!!! just take it off our hands please! Perhaps not only for bad situations, currently thinking about going overseas for studies and being responsible for the dog I can't just push it to anyone not even my mom. AHH

Monday, 10 September 2012

3 idiots

Finally I've watched 3 idiots. A show that struck so close to my core.  I'm so terribly surprised how close to reality yet aptly exaggerated to sufficiently showcase the highlights and main issues in life and college. I love how it made me laugh and cry and I love that it was 3 hours long.

I've been frequenting this website.

Intriguing letters from the past. And that current one is amusing. Some touching, some fiery, some with wisdom, and some with wisdom I don't quite agree to. An interesting read for a day of musing.