Monday, February 28, 2011

Sometimes, in the most random of moments, something triggers a thought and my face screws up as i try not to show it, try not to let the tears fall even as I dwell in my memories. Stupid stupid stupid.

A little girl playing catch-my-finger with her grandfather, my friend's 21st birthday speech to his parents, a skinny tired old man in a shirt with specs and a laptop bag slung on his shoulder...


Come tell me to get my honours, come tell me the 80/20 rule again, to wash my hands, focus, don't dilly-dally. Come and press our heads together telling me you'll take away my headaches, I wish I could take away yours. Come tell me about you. I don't know enough about you.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 3:37 AM

Monday, February 21, 2011

I've just finished watching "Mona Lisa smile" starring Julia Roberts and Kristen Dunst.

For all those aimlessly wandering, not all who wander are lost.

Its a deep and thought provoking movie that gives insights into the crossing over of ladies into womanhood in the 50's. I love the 50's, with swing dancing and poodle skirts, or rock and roll and parties and everyone in dresses.

I love how studying is an active and determined decision that takes effort to go against societal ideals.

Despite how everything is revolving around "women have greater rights now, Women are equal, women are able to continue their studies" It should not be about what we should do, fulfilling societal ideals (current one being continuing further studies be successful in a job). I believe it should instead be that everyone should do what they want. On the same note, it is important for us to be educated and inspired with what life has to offer. Live life with open eyes and opinions such that what we know our choices and would lead fulfilling and enriching lives.

Be successful Be happy.

Study hard Learn.

Seize the day.

Funny thing about this phrase Carpe Diem, My previous school used it in a fashion to urge us to grasp hold of time and so to speak "chiong" "mug" study for our upcoming examinations.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 11:44 PM

Friday, February 04, 2011

LSM 2101 Metabolism and regulation.

LSM 2102 Molecular biology

LSM 2251 Ecology and Environment

EL1101E The Nature of Language

LAK1201 Korean

LSM2288 The Diet of Urban squirrels.


Focus.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 9:47 PM

I shall be planning a SMALL hopefully VERY small birthday party. On the day itself. If you think you'll be included please keep yourself free. Small like nuclear besties cliques.

venues:
home,
void deck,
the other void deck,
CC hall,
CC dance studio.

HAHAHAHA kopitiam downstairs eat crab.
kidding thats too ex.

void decks have no electrical output. so would be weird without music.

I dislike chalets.

activity:
tea/cake. not a meal thing.
either extremely kiddy games. (everyone has to oblige to my fantastical wishes)
or not so kiddy games.
or the boredom of no games sit and look at each other
OR share our hopes and dreams. HAHAHA
or ask my wonderful friends to each give musical performances!! MUAHAHAHHA. I like this one. harp... heeheehee...



THEME:
PINK. Or maybe pink and green. or shiny... or animals...


OR NO PARTY. because we in mourning... I don't know why my mom does this to me. constantly reminding me. just when I finished typing this. BLAH!!

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 7:49 PM

I miss CNY.
I do not like the idea of telling everyone we're busy doing something else and hence cannot go visiting or be visited and end up sitting at home moping.
However I also agree we shouldn't go visiting or celebrate the festive season.
Its just the lying. Maybe we should tell everyone Don't visit us, we're not visiting you. We have to stay home and mourn. However, that would make many people feel bad.
sighs.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 5:59 PM

Friday, February 11, 2011

I don't care what sort of awesome bacteria are breeding in my oral passage and if they talk in high squeaky voices and have cute little eyes I want them gone!!! I'm not very unwell I just have waterfalls of mucus that makes bubbles on my nose in CLASS! I want it all to go away so I can sing soon. :)

So there's one thing I do not like about living in hall. Its when the time of day is perfectly fine to make noise and I'm actually making MUSIC and my neighbour texts me to ask really politely to lower my volume. Hey this is like 4 in the afternoon... frowns. I know they can hear me but I NEVER heard a sound from them so how do I know relatively how well they can hear me? For all I know it sounds like the walls are soundproof because they are that silent. And of course I'll wait till they're out before I attempt high choral songs... ET asked me if I missed choir. I answered with a definate yes much to my own surprise. :) we were toilet singing. I love the toilet. It has superb acoustics as in it reverbs and makes you sound superb too! I would love a home that is built in this way in the future. OR a toilet as large a a home HAHAHA.

I'm really hooked on Priscilla Ahn's music currently. whimsical tunes and voice and youthful dreamy lyrics.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 6:41 PM

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

 Art Artist / science scientist

/ merger? How?

something has ignited me. :) My art may not be abstract, may not be deep, may not have meaning, it may be plain, kiddy, not artistic... but somehow it still makes me feel good to be creating. Ok start small.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 1:48 PM

Humbear

Has 3 kinds of shoes. Black leather shoes, slippers, hush puppies boots.
Wears high black socks with black shoes.
White underwear.
Chanel men's cologne which he routinely applies before going to work.

When I was about 5 to 10 I would jump into his arms when he came home from work around 7. He would still smell of his cologne. I often hid and surprised him when he enters the door. Or play the digital piano for sound effects of door opening and footsteps.

He has one old hairbrush which my mom had been using but I don't know where she kept it now.
wooden handle metal bristles. Probably as old as I can remember.
It still smells like him.
We haven't washed his PJs. Haven't kept them. They're still hanging outside.
The smell's diffusing. So is the smell of his pillows.

My favourite shirt of his is goldlion light pink long sleeved formal one. For new year's. He likes it too. And his dark green and blue one. But we burnt most of his clothes already. except the pink one I'm keeping that. Ma bought many new clothes for his birthday. Shoes, shirts, pants. We have to give them away. Humbear is really skinny. I cannot wear his pants. I try though. He has knobby knees, maybe thats why he doesn't wear shorts, three quarter pants and anything above the ankle. Jeans, pants, and Pjs. All long pants.

I haven't held his hands while walking since he came back from China. Grew up. I used to before he went to China. China for 5 years. I used to hold his hand while we walk out. Maybe to go out, or eat roti prata at our favourite shop outside Rosyth. Humbear walks really fast. Whenever we walk out of the house I'ld hold his hand. Or play with his hand in the taxi during New year's visiting. That game that one person pokes the other's open palm and the other tries to catch the finger. He has large meaty hands. but with fungal infection on his nails that eat away at his nails. But it doesn't bother him anyways. I held his hand again during his last moments. But he probably doesn't know.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 5:18 PM

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm going to concentrate and focus on my school work. Although as always I'll be tempted to go for/visit the choir, volunteer for some beach clean up, run around and join cheerleading or some other CCA, I will NOT do any of those.

There is no use thinking of a minor in environmental biology if I have a poor and quote my prof "worthless" degree. My major should come first before my minor.

There is no point thinking about and planning for student exchange when I've no longer met the criteria. I'm a envious of all my friends going away for exchange. And eventually even the guys from JC. Which would make me envious all over again.

6 modules. I'm fearing school. Its going to be a huge battle.

I passed chemistry :)

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 12:11 AM

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I wish Humbear didn't force himself to get up and do work that night. If only he didn't go bathe and instead went to bed earlier. Maybe he was feeling a headache already and yet got up after his nap. Maybe he was so tired yet felt he had work to do. Maybe I could still talk to him now.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 9:40 PM

Sunday, January 09, 2011

nobody reads this. shoot. hopefully, cause the last post was done rashly and also forgotten for too long.

well well something to tell anyone who sees this. No matter how well you know someone, living with anyone is a totally new experience especially for a month. Cause each person's living habits are different.

It was a hard, bitter and spiteful lesson to learn. This trip was bittersweet. You'll often realise a different side of people and perhaps hopefully know them better or unfortunately realise their true colours. But overall one thing I hold fast to is that month long holidays in a particular overseas country are good. You can truly immerse in the different lifestyle and culture only if you spend an extended amount of time. heeee.

passed chemistry.

contemplating migration because my mom loves loves loves loves loves US and the American dream of starting a new life. I think she won't mind leaving behind most of the woes here. Maybe not complete migration? Perhaps obtaining a PR? A work permit initially? Then come back here. Too bad bosty has a staunch negative view on this.

I want to ask a certain someone certain questions. What I'll do with the answers I don't know.

If there's nothing I should stop thinking dreaming anticipating. If there's something I should think harder :)

Can we say that siblings are not needed? That one should not be too attached? That we should be independent? I see the pain it brings but no joys. Why so? Any reasons for sticking together helping each other, being nice?

I can no longer write as I used to. But I shall try.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 12:19 AM

Monday, December 13, 2010

 

hmmm. confused.

hmmmm cold here.


I want to shout HUMBEAR HUMBEAR HUMBEAR out loud and hear him reply me.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 12:03 PM

This air makes me want to hug everyone

but the one I used to hug most is gone now.

I still remember the last time I hugged him goodnight.

Telling people that I miss him doesn't help. They don't know what to say. I don't know what I want to hear.

♥ `LilNuttz is wilting some more @ 11:57 AM