Saturday, 11 June 2011


I find a photo blog post terribly unfulfilling! I am filled with an intense urge to elaborate! Sighs, 21 on the 21st of May. :) I'm just glad the people I'm close to came by and spent some time with me. I wanted to go visit Humbear but noooooo superstition has prevented me... 

Suddenly while looking for my 20th birthday family photo I've an intense longing.

This is Humbear after I was begging him to do this for me on webcam one of our thousands of video conversations during the 5 year stint in China. I also missed him a whole lot during that time cause I knew how hard it was on him as well but there was little other options. How the winters were long and lonely and how I grew tired of trying to communicate with what was slow internet. How the summers were hot and had huge mosquitoes, how his neighbours were strange and cranky. I'm so sorry for ever losing interest in communicating. It was so tough. I used to see an illusion of him out of the corner of my eye around the house, imagine him calling me or making me a cup of milo or tucking me in. One thing I'm glad of is that as least he lost his previous job and came home to us for 4 years before leaving for good. My heart aches. Like a cramp. Like a foot cramp that makes you double up except that its in my chest and I can't stretch it and I can only hold myself.

I dislike people complaining about what I think of as minor losses, but I tell myself not to think this way as perhaps to them their hamsters or little birdies are very important to them as well. Also dislike people saying "fml" for any reason at all. Sighs. I'm afraid of being influenced, by many things, vulgarities, morales, opinions. Once I was suddenly in a burst of hot temper after being honked by a car who had the right of way I was either going to curse or flick my middle finger. I don't know what got over me. See, I didn't even want to do that but... perhaps influenced by other people's way of expressing anger has got to me. I was very astonished with myself.

Okay back to the main thing, 21st birthday, people spending time together, OH Huiting... I don't know what does this girl has but she has a hold over me. Every little thing she does can affect me. HAH she ignores me, she doesn't reply or call, she's late for my party, she wasn't there to help out. whew I was close to tears of either anger or longing. there's a photo of that. 

Don't know why I'm bound to her like migratory routes to birds. She's got me wound round her finger hahaha.

By the way, the egg cup with chicken feet is so not easy, what an irony, its not chicken feet at all. The clay was like honey, too soft and the chicken can't stand and the sticks was gettting out and holes were forming! What a nightmare. Hah. too bad I didn't have space for the whole name. I'm sure it would have be liked more in that way. I love making things for people but don't have the time and I always end up doing it last minute HOHOHO...

Finally I'm out of things to say. Oh no, look at that photo of "jamming" in the void deck. Was with bosty and oh my gosh am I tone deaf? I cannot harmonise at all HAHAHA its been 3 "sessions" of trying and I keep singing an octave above or spend the whole song gliding up and down the notes. I can't be the next choir head! What a big fib I must have told hall master... but I miss hall, I miss the Common hall especially, I like singing alone there it makes me sound good muahhahha... echoy... my secret hide out. OKAY i'm a big mouth its not a secret anymore.

To stay or not. After being promoted to sole breadwinner, I'm pretty stressed. I try and try to tell my mom its okay and go ahead with all the renovations but she just ignores me and that i'm working. Though its not much it can get more or maybe not if i'm staying in hall... but I'll maintain it and it is at least sufficient to cover hall expenses and food for the both of us. SIGHS! I've made a decision to base my own on another persons. heh cheat. well, I'll find a balance, won't take too many students though I really enjoy teaching them. :) One day soon in the new house I'm converting one of the rooms to a tuition/study one. whoopeedoo....

Finally I'm out of words.


  1. Hey, Stay Strong! And yes, don't get influenced - at least, try!

  2. ahhhh mafer! thanks.... I can't wait for your graduation. invite me! :D